I prefer lizards to bats.

Now that I've written something meaningful, I can be random and honest.

I've been hesitating writing because I don't want anything I say come across as not liking it here. Because that's just not true.

Cold showers. You probably shiver at the thought. Who likes cold showers? I sure do, when it's way hot and sticky. There's no need for hot water. I take cold showers and I like it. Yesterday I took an excessively long 10 minute shower. I was pampering myself. By that, I mean that I used actual facewash in the shower and actual body wash instead of baby wipes during the day. I may pamper myself again tonight. And by that, I mean shave my legs. In Haiti, you have a choice. You can go shaven or unshaven. Although, I'm a white girl, so you can actually tell one way or the other. Maybe the choice is only for dark Haitians. Maybe I shouldn't be as natural of a woman as I had thought maybe I could be...

Lizards run across the walls. Not creepy, but cool. I admit that the first week I was here, while I was sleeping in bed, I tried hard not to touch the wall because I didn't want a lizard running into me while I slept. They are little things that scurry across the wall and hide behind the paintings. I quite like them. Makes me feel like I have pets, in a way. And they eat bugs. I would definitely prefer lizards to bats.

I washed my clothes in the sink by hand two days ago. This was actually a choice. There's a washer, but why waste all that water and be the lazy American they probably already think I am when I can become a domesticated woman and wash my own? I'm not gonna lie though... I was a little nervous when I got dressed this morning. Me hand-washing my own clothes probably means (most likely means) putting on half-clean clothes, which made me a little uneasy about changing my underwear. TMI, probably. Just being honest here. I may have to become the lazy American who uses a washer.

I'm the only white girl, and I like it. It's interesting being the one who looks different, and is always stared at. In case you haven't heard this from me, I secretly like attention, so being stared at doesn't bother me. The only thing that bothers me about my skin color is that 1) the bug bites and bruises show up *ghastly* and 2) I'm terrified that I'm going to terrify the sleeping Youseline. She usually is sleeping while the others are eating dinner, so I go to check on her. I never stay too long because I'm afraid that she's going to wake up and think she's seen a ghost (my very white face). Thankfully, this hasn't happened yet.

I feel like a child. Not necessarily a bad thing, in general. However, it does start to make you question yourself when certain things happen. Like when at 28, my new black daddy here gave me a dating and sex talk. Funny, yes, but embarrassing too. Edy (my black daddy) also will not let me cross the street without holding my hand. Or leave the gate to our house without being there to see who it is. It's not just Edy either. This afternoon, I had just woken up from a nap and was outside playing with the kids. Renez bent down and removed a sleepy from my eye. I tried telling her, "Je ne suis pas un enfant!" "I am not a child!" but she didn't stop. I'm pretty sure I'm older than her too... Embarrassing, and disgusting.

I live in an orphanage. I think a lot of people warned me not to come because of their misconception of an orphanage. You see, My Heart's Home is probably the best orphanage in Haiti, if not the world. To give you a better idea of what it's like, there are 17 children who live here, and only one will be adopted because of her extreme medical needs (she has a heart condition and needs multiple surgeries...). You are probably thinking, "why wouldn't they do adoptions?" I thought that too. My response now would be, "why do they have to be adopted by an American (or by any other "richer" nation) to have a good life?" I'm really proud to stand behind the vision of this orphanage. I think about half of them are total orphans with no living parents, while the others have parents who could no longer take care of them so rights were signed over. They live in a beautiful house (no joke...this house is nicer than any house I ever lived in growing up), are fed well (very well - they eat more than me!) and are provided school (with an *excellent* English teacher). They are growing up as a family, and they really love and like each other like a family. It's amazing to see children between the ages of 1 and 9 who didn't know each other a year ago, and who all come from really broken circumstances, so full of love, laughter, and fun, playing with each other. They will grow up a family, and when they get older, we will help them either get into a trade school or go to college. They could have remained orphans, been ones who lived in a tent city, working for little money, bearing children who grow up in the same matter; they could have grown up children with no future, having to find a place to sleep for the night and begging by day. But they aren't. They are exceptional children who now have exceptional futures. I'm so proud to be a part of that.